A month ago I made a scary decision to treat myself. It’s wild because spending time and money on myself has always been something I felt guilt around, but now with a gorgeous baby boy, that guilt intensified beyond measure. Tons and tons of personal development, inner work and affirmations aside – my mom guilt still pops up from time to time. We are human after all!
So when I went to the hair salon, dropping my son off at his Nana’s house for the first time ever for a personal reason [versus the handful of times I tried working a regular job in the past…we’ll get to this justification aspect], I was washed over with #momguilt. He was crying because I was leaving and my heart shattered.
Was I being totally selfish? Should I just take him with me and try to manage holding him for 5 hours while getting my hair wrapped in foil? No. I knew on a soul level that it was okay for me to take this small window of time for myself. I needed it – not to get away or drop my mom duties – but to find my inner goddess again.
If you’re a mom, you know that motherhood is filled with sleepless nights, crying, sore boobs and snotty noses. It’s not always an easy job, even though it’s the most rewarding experience in the world. We all need to fill our own cups – whether it’s 10 minutes locked in a closet just to get away for a minute and breathe, or 5 hours spent on self care…it’s all necessary and it does not need justification.
I found myself running though my own justifications over and over as my hair was turning purple. I deserved this, I had worked so hard, I never do anything for myself…
I had to tell myself to shut up.
Why? Because men and women alike – all of us are born with an inherent right to ask for what we need and receive it. No justification. Just acceptance and compassion.
Shifting my focus away from my internal chaos [literally, my mind was racing with “what ifs”] and to the present moment saved me. I could have let the entire experience turn into an anxiety filled event, but instead I closed my eyes for a second, gathered my consciousness and focused on the present moment. The sound of the hair dryers. The beautiful women around me smiling and connecting. The bad ass hair that was transforming before my eyes. I allowed myself to enjoy the present moment and slowly the guilt drifted away.
I’m sharing this to remind you that you do not need to burden yourself with guilt. No matter what you are doing for you, you deserve it. I know that as a mom you are always giving, doing, serving…but are you taking care of YOU? If not, what is stopping you?
I created this guide because I see other mamas suffering from this belief and it doesn’t have to be that way. As a mom on her own journey of self love and growth I know that uncertainty comes up…and I want you to know that you’re not alone.
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